Not Exactly What I Meant

We all make mistakes and it just so happens that some of those mistakes are truly hilarious. I think the funniest ones I come across are made by non-native English speakers, including me.

1. When I first moved to the UK I must have been 18 or 19 and my English, though good, was nowhere near its present level. Everytime I was asked for "pennies" in the shop, I'd blush as with its pronunciation it resembles the Polish equivalent of "penis". No, sorry. I don't happen to carry any penises with me. I might have some change if this helps...
2. Went for ski break holiday last year with my, then boyfriend, and his family. I can't remember the exact circumstances in which I made this mistake although I clearly remember standing in the bathroom door and talking about a "serious killer" when I surely meant "serial killer". I also remember my ex crawling on the floor laughing. 
3. This was a really embarassing Twitter status update fail from last night, when after having a bit to drink, I updated my status saying "I'm dancing around my bedroom with wine in my knickers and sweater". I hurriedly explained that I did not actually mean that the wine was in my knickers... It was then followed by a couple of comments such as "ran out of clean glasses again?" and "I thought this was an unusual way of storing alcohol". This has been now officially proven - my English achieves its lows when I'm intoxicated.
4. One of the kids I used to teach English back in Poland still sometimes sends his homework for me to check for mistakes. His task was to describe his mother. He writes: "My mum has back hair". Yes, I certainly seem to remember her having black hair, didn't realise she had some on her back too! He then goes on to write about an unfortunate event from her life as follows: "My mum broke her rib and got laid in the hospital". It is indeed bad news she broke her rib but she's still a pretty lucky mum as far as getting laid in the hospital goes... 

Remember, if you make a funny mistake, laugh with others. No need to get frustrated or feel embarrassed. Learn from it, the short-lived embarrassment will certainly make it easier to remember! And please, don't forget - speaking a foreign language is very difficult and errors are inevitable. You are amazing and doing a brilliant job!